Washed and Waiting

Hill, Wesley. Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2010.

This book was recommended to me by a friend, and as I did my googling to find more information, I was shocked to discover that such a book existed.  "Really?" my brain said, "somone has written about this?"  In all of my reading and searching, I have never, ever found a book written by a Christian who struggles with homosexuality.  Never. 

This book reads a lot more like a memoir than a textbook, and I believe Hill did this on purpose.  He is not writing from the perspective of having all the answers, but rather describing his journey to find those answers.  I appreciated this change in perspective, and I was intrigued by the concepts he wrestled with as he struggled to discover what healing from homosexuality would look like in his life.

It seems that most people have in their heads the idea that healing from homosexuality looks like, well, heterosexuality, that a person who struggles with homosexual desires needs to actively pursue a desire for an attraction to members of the opposite sex.  I know people who have struggled with homosexuality and are now "healed" according to this definition.  But there are also scores of Christians who are seeking to glorify the Lord in everything, including their sexuality, yet still struggle with homosexual desires.  Is it right to say that they should pursue wholeness in the form of heterosexuality?

Hill explores the concept of a "celibate gay Christian," that is, a Christian who is tempted by homosexuality but chooses not to act on those desires.  Is it possible that God would choose not to heal a person of this temptation, but rather to give them the grace to live with the temptation and to glorify Him through it?  Hill believes so, and 2 Corinthians 12 seems to agree with him.  Just as it is possible for a person to be tempted to steal, but choose not to steal, or to be tempted to lie, but choose not to lie, it should also be possible for a person to be tempted with homosexuality, yet choose not to act on it.  After all, temptation in and of itself is not wrong.  Jesus Himself was tempted, yet He never sinned. 

What I like about Hill's alternate view of healing from homosexuality is that it pulls the focus off of the homosexual desires and puts it back on glorifying God.  Instead of pursing freedom from homosexual desires, the Christian who struggles can instead focus on getting to know God better through studying the Bible, worshiping and serving Him in a church community, basking in His love and grace, and sharing the message of the gospel with those around him.  If God chooses to relieve that person of the temptations of homosexuality, wonderful! I would gladly rejoice with him. However, it is entirely possible that God would choose rather to allow that person to continue to struggle so that God's grace can be shown in his life.  After all, that is why we are still here on Earth: to show God's grace and mercy and love to those around us.

I am going to end this post with lyrics from Matthew West's song "The Healing Has Begun."  I believe these lyrics are applicable to any number of secrets that we carry around inside us, not just homosexuality.

You have carried the weight of your secret for way too long
Thinking if there is a place called forgiveness you don't belong
Oh, but freedom can never be found behind those walls
So just let 'em fall
Just let 'em fall

Oh, the healing has begun

How long has it been since you've felt anything but shame
Child, lift up your eyes cause mercy remembers your name
And those tears you've been holding back
Let 'em fall like rain
Cause today is the day
Yeah today is the day

Oh, the healing has begun

There's a world full of people dying from broken hearts
Holding on to their guilt thinking they fell too far
So don't be afraid to show them your beautiful scars
Cause they're the proof
Yeah, you're the proof

Oh, the healing has begun

If you or someone you know is struggling with homosexuality, help is available.  You do not need to struggle through this alone.  Visit the website of Living Hope Ministries or feel free to contact me.