I'm BAAAAAAACK!

Greetings, faithful readers.

My apologies for the very long delay.  Life has been complicated.  Since the last time I posted, the following things have happened:

1.  I had my carpal tunnel surgery and came through just fine.
2.  I finished my first year as a SLIS graduate student.
3.  My sweetheart's dad died suddenly.
4.  I interned at a beautiful public library in a town quite similar to my hometown and got to work with some awesome librarians and kiddos.
5.  I started my second year of grad school.
6.  My mom died suddenly.
7.  I got engaged.
8.  I got a part-time job as a circulation clerk and was able to say good-bye to my retail position.

So it's been a busy few months.  2012 was not the best year in the world, but I am hoping that 2013 will be better.  One of the things that I am doing differently is reviving my blog, including reviews of books I've been reading while I've been in graduate school.

If you are still here reading my blog after this long absence, thank you for sticking around! If you're new to my blog, here's hoping that I can keep up with it better this year.

An Interview with the Author

So, Jenni, you have been at graduate school for four months now.  How are classes going?
Well, my classes are done for the semester.  They weren't as hard as I thought they would be, and I think I learned a few things from the projects and other assignments I had to complete.  It was kind of interesting to be back on this side of the desk again.

That's right - this must be odd for you to be the student instead of the teacher.  Do you miss teaching?
I miss my students.  There are parts of teaching that I miss.   Some of the things - random administrative duties and some of the other required parts of my day - I don't miss at all. But I will admit that it was easier to work one job than three, even if the one job required as much work as three.

Three jobs - wow!  How in the world do you juggle all of that on top of a busy school schedule?
To quote the character Temperance Brennan from the TV show Bones: "First I do one, then the other."  Seriously, though, it's been a bit complicated to keep everything straight, or rather, to keep track of everything.

Straight, huh? This semester is also when you decided to come out to your friends and family, isn't it?
Yes.  After a lot of thought and prayer and consideration and tears, I finally did publicly come out on October 11 - National Coming Out Day.

I'm sure that was difficult. What was the hardest part about coming out?
It definitely was hard.  The hardest part, I think, was fielding all the reactions from people who do not understand or who are choosing not to understand.  I spent a lot of time in a pretty strict religious group, and most of my friends are still involved with that group.  So they can't really wrap their brains around the idea that I can love Jesus and be attracted to women at the same time.  I got more than my share of messages from them - things that probably were intended to be "Hate the sin, love the sinner" type messages, but that ended up being "Hate the sin, hate the sinner."

Did you lose contact with a lot of people after coming out?
I did. Actually, the last year and a half has been a process of losing contact with a lot of my old friends.  It's been hard and sad, and a big part of me wishes it didn't have to be that way, but just like my friends said that they couldn't just ignore my orientation and go against their convictions to be my friend, I also can't pretend to be someone I'm not just to make them happy.  It helps that I have a good support network around me, now, too.

So, who do you count as your support network?
I actually draw my support from a couple of different places.  Online, I am a part of the Gay Christian Network, which has been amazing, as many of the others in that group have also experienced difficulties in dealing with the religious beliefs of their families.  It's also a good place for me to ask the questions I can't ask anywhere else.  I'm also part of a group of former BJU students and it's been good to talk to them as well and get encouragement and support from them.

Do you draw any support from people in your community?
I'm beginning to.  It's hard when you move to a new place to try to find your spot in the community.  But I'm part of a wonderful open and affirming church where I've met people who love God and love me and for whom my orientation is a non-issue.  My church is also a safe place to ask the hard questions about my beliefs and which beliefs are important for me to keep now and which I feel I can leave by the wayside.  I'm also getting to know my fellow students in library school, as well as other members of the GLBT community here.

I heard that there's a certain person who's a SLIS student and a member of the GLBT community that you've gotten to know particularly well. 
[Blushes] Why, yes, yes there is.  I never, ever imagined myself being at a place where I could act on the attractions I feel. For the longest time I squashed all of that and imagined I'd be alone and lonely forever.  Even after I came out, I didn't expect to begin dating this soon.  I'm continually amazed at how lucky I am; my girlfriend is completely wonderful and I totally don't deserve her.

Wow.  It sounds like your plate is pretty full, between classes, work, church, and dating.  Looking back at this semester, would you say your choice to come to library school was a good one?
Definitely. I wouldn't change one thing about it. It's been a busy semester and it's had its ups and downs, but it's been so worth it.

Before we go, what are your plans for this Christmas break?
I'll be working a lot - this is a busy season in the retail business. And I'm going to catch up on some reading and relaxing, things I've had to neglect a bit as the end of the semester hit and things were due in classes.  And of course, I'll be spending time with my girlfriend.  I'm glad we have this break to spend some time together before the spring semester smothers us.

A Coat for Jesse

One of the unfortunate side effects of working retail is that I'm around stuff all day long.  I see stuff, I straighten stuff, I put stuff back where it belongs.  I fold stuff and return stuff and direct people to stuff and answer questions about stuff.  I see the new stuff when it comes in too early (swim suits in December, anyone?), and I see the fun, shiny stuff that goes on sale. 

Spending five hours straightening the toys in the toy department or folding clothes in the clothing department has a serious effect on my priorities when I decide what to do with my paycheck.  Fortunately for me, as a grad student I don't happen to have enough extra cash for stuff.  At least, not usually.  Other things - rent, gas, groceries, cat food - take priority. 

Occasionally, however, I find myself anticipating a paycheck with a bit of wiggle room.  Oh, then it's fun to think about what kind of STUFF I might possibly buy.  Should I get holiday goodies, or a pair of pants to replace the ones that disintegrated this past weekend, or some new LEGOs, or an e-book? Should I buy a treat for my cat or get the oil changed in my car or get my hair cut?  The options are endless.

I have one of those paychecks coming up this week.  I paid rent on my last paycheck, so this next one should  have a bit of room for something.  I was considering buying myself some stocking stuffers or ingredients to bake some Christmas goodies, or maybe a pair of gloves since the weather in this town is so finicky.  I was pondering the possibilities as I entered the bowling alley for my weekly league night when I noticed the angel tree.

For those of you who haven't seen one, an angel tree is a Christmas tree with very special ornaments. Instead of the usual shiny ornaments, candles, bows, etc., an angel tree bears the names of children who haven't made it onto Santa's list.  If no one does anything, they'll have nothing for Christmas.  Perhaps their parents are unemployed.  Perhaps they are in foster care. Perhaps one of their parents is in jail.  In any case, the angel tree kids list their hopes on a little card that gets placed on the tree, waiting for someone to help.

I was a bit early for bowling, so I stopped by the angel tree to see if there were any names left.  That's when I met Jesse.

I guess to say that I met him is a bit of an exaggeration.  There was no little boy by this tree.  But there was a card for a 6-year old boy named Jesse, and I was hoping he'd want some LEGOs or something I'm fairly confident I could choose for him.  I like buying toys for random kids, especially for kids that get left off Santa's list.  Usually I don't have a lot of money to do that with, but maybe I could get Jesse some toys this year.

Then I looked at what he was asking for.  Jesse is six years old, which means he's probably in first grade.  When I was in first grade, I played with Transformers and LEGOs and my bicycle and I had just discovered books and reading.  You know what Jesse wants for Christmas?

A coat.

Yes, this six-year old, who could ask for anything in the world, asked for a coat.  A coat, of all things.  Forget the toys or the games or any of the "fun" presents, Jesse wants what many children complain about: clothing as a Christmas gift.

So this year I'm forgoing anything in my stocking (or my cat's stocking, for that matter), and I'm going to make do with the pants that have not yet disintegrated, and I'll just check books out of the library instead of buying any new ones.  I can't do much this Christmas, but I can make sure that a little boy named Jesse has a coat to keep him warm this winter.  And he'll probably find some LEGOs in that package, too, since everyone should have something to play with on Christmas.