40 before 40

I admit it.  I stole this idea from Jon Acuff of Stuff Christians Like.   This was a more difficult post to write, mainly because I am not sure what I want to accomplish before the big 4-0 (which, for the record, is many, many years away).  Some things that I want to do I am not sure how to write in a way that is, as my education professors would say, "measurable and observable."  I stuck with things that will be easy to check off once they are accomplished, and they are going to be listed in alphabetical order for lack of a better organizational system.

1.      Be debt free (and stay that way for at least one year)

2.      Find a “top 100 books” list and actually read all the books on the list

3.      Get a degree that will allow me to get teacher certification in a non-southern state. (Note: This is by no means an insult to the South; rather, it is a solution to the frustration of attempting to get CA certified with an SC license.)

4.      Get up early enough to see the sun rise, and actually watch it rise.

5.      Give up chocolate for an entire year, just to see if I can do it.

6.      Go on a cruise (don’t care where).

7.      Go on a vacation.  Definition of vacation: traveling to a place I’ve not been to before, not staying with people I know (unless they're on vacation with me), and not doing any work while I’m there. 

8.      Go to the midnight premier of a movie.

9.      Have a novel published.

10.   Hit 100,000 views on my blog.

11.   Increase blog traffic to 50 followers.

12.   Learn Spanish

13.   Learn to juggle clubs (bonus if I can get to flaming torches).

14.   Learn to knit.

15.   Learn to play a musical instrument.

16.   Open a savings account and actually save money.

17.   Overcome my caffeine addiction.

18.   Ride in a hot air balloon.

19.   Run a marathon.

20.   Run across the Golden Gate Bridge (and back).

21.   See a real volcano in person.

22.   See Old Faithful in person.

23.   See the Grand Canyon in person.

24.   Study Latin (to the point where I can read it)

25.   Take a creative writing class.

26.   Take a drawing class.

27.   Take an exercise class (instead of just exercising on my own)

28.   Take dance lessons

29.   Touch the Atlantic Ocean from the European side.

30.   Touch the Atlantic Ocean from the US side.

31.   Travel by train.

32.   Visit a lighthouse.

33.   Visit all 50 states

34.   Visit all 6 inhabited continents (still need to get South America, Africa, and Australia).

35.   Visit LEGO Land.

36.   Volunteer at a library or hospital or some place where I can read to kids.

37.   Volunteer at some place that helps child abuse victims.

38.   Volunteer at Special Olympics

Now, I know what you all are thinking: Jenni, you have math issues. There are only 38 items on this list.  You're right; the final two items are not for public viewing; however, you can rest assured that they do, in fact, exist, and that one of my friends is aware of both items and intends to hold me to the goal of finishing the entire list.

So, how about you?  What goals do you have in mind?  What is your game plan to see those goals accomplished?

The Road Ahead

Above all, trust in the
slow work of God.

We are quite naturally impatient
in everything to reach the end
without delay.

We should like to skip the
intermediate stages.

We are impatient
of being on the way to
something unknown, something new.

And yet it is the law of all progress
that it is made by passing through
some stages of instability-
and that it may take a very long time.

Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.

Give our Lord the benefit of
believing that his hand
is leading you, and accept the
anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense and incomplete.

--Teilhard de Chardin

One year ago, I was still in Guam, I was in the middle of teaching more than 175 students in six different classes every day, and I had absolutely no idea what the future held.  If you had asked me at the end of 2008 what my plans were, I would have said that I planned to teach until I had taught my first students' children and grandchildren. If you had asked me at the end of 2009, I would have shrugged. I had no idea what God had in store for me. I would likely not have guessed that God would have me working at a scrapbooking store or living in San Francisco at the end of 2010.

It was a big scary thing to leave behind everything I knew.  My one wish was to get a glimpse, just a glimpse, at God's year plan for me.  Not knowing is hard.  But it's the not knowing that forces my trust and strengthens my faith. 

I do not regret the choice I made last year when I left behind my students, whom I loved and love dearly, and my friends, whom I miss so much that sometimes my stomach hurts from homesickness.  I don't know what God has in store for 2011, but I trust and rejoice in His leading each step of the way.

Voyage of the Dawn Treader

This past weekend I finally saw the latest Narnia movie.  This is the first Narnia movie I was able to see on the big screen, and I thought it a fitting way to spend a holiday afternoon. I did wonder what people thought of this movie: does it faithfully follow the story C.S. Lewis wrote? Is it an improvement upon the old BBC version of this book? 

For those of you who are Narnia die-hards and want the movies to follow the books exactly as they were written, I'm afraid you're in for some disappointment.  Dawn Treader is a great movie, but it is not exactly like the book.  Fortunately, I had decided before walking into the theater that I would not spend the two hours of the movie thinking up every way the movie was not like the book.  As much as I would like for film makers to stay true to the novels upon which their movies are based, I have discovered that my nit-picking at a movie simply spoils my enjoyment of the movie itself.  And this movie truly was well done.

I was amazed at how much I disliked Eustace at the beginning of the movie, how sad I was for him when he turned into a dragon, and how much I wanted to cheer for him when he was transformed into a boy again (and showed some remarkable improvement in his character to boot).  Even though the person three seats away from me was slumbering and snoring away, I truly enjoyed this film.  The 3D effects were fun, if unnecessary, and the story did keep me interested.

I probably read the entire Narnia series ten times when I was a child.  How I wanted to be with the Pevensies as they traveled to Narnia and went on adventures and escaped the madness of Earth for a while.  I was glad when I heard that someone was going to be filming these stories.  And I was not disappointed in this particular film.  It is definitely worth your time, folks, although I might wait until it comes out on DVD - movies with a requirement of 3D glasses can be expensive.

Crazy for God

Schaeffer, Frank. Crazy for God: How I Grew up as one of the Elect, Helped Found the Religious Right, and Lived to Take all (or Almost All) of it Back. New York: Carroll & Graf Publishers, 2007.

This book is an autobiographical story of the author's life and religious beliefs.  I was mildly interested in his upbringing and definitely interested in his change of beliefs.  His switch from fundamentalist Christianity to evangelicalism was intriguing to me.  Unfortunately, this switch did not happen until after page 300.  For a book that is slightly longer than 400 pages, this means quite a commitment before one gets to the "good stuff." 

This book is interesting and entertaining, but not very informative, at least, not until after page 300.  By all means, read this book and enjoy the author's journey as he chooses to "talk story" for page after page.  If, however, you are looking for a treatise on the issues in fundamentalist Christianity, see Scandalous Freedom or Unchristian.

Patience with God

Schaeffer, Frank. Patience with God. Cambridge: Da Capo Press, 2009.

This book details the beliefs of several influential athiests and contrasts these beliefs, and their accompanying actions, to similar beliefs and/or actions of evangelical Christians.  Unfortunately, I didn't have much patience for this book.  I definitely gave the book the "100 page test" that I taught my students to use; unfortunately, this book failed that test miserably.  Perhaps I just don't have the brain for this type of reading, but I wouldn't bother with this book if I were you.  There are other much more digestible and interesting books on the same topic.

Possession

Gutteridge, Rene. Possession. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 2010.

Vance Graegan and his family are starting over.  After twenty years on the police force, including the investigation of the infamous sniper case, Vance is moving his family to the West Coast.  They are hoping to start a new life far away from the memories of the sniper case.  But someone else wants to interfere with their plans.  Before the Graegans have a chance to settle in, their possessions are held for ransom.  While Vance suffers from an undiagnosed case of PTSD, nothing is what it seems.  And if the Graegans can't get to the bottom of this situation in time, it may be too late for a new start.

I will admit it: this book was hard to get into.  The first eighty pages had me wondering if I would continue.  However, the story picked up considerably after that, and I found myself looking forward to the time I had to sit and read.  The flashbacks Vance experiences are difficult to read through, as there is no transition from "real time" to "flashback," but having experienced flashbacks myself, I understand that this is how they really work, so I was willing to forgive the author for making the flashbacks so disorienting. Overall, this book is a decent read, definitely worth checking out of the library. 

I received a complimentary copy of this book for the purposes of review.

A Scandalous Freedom

Brown, Steve. A Scandalous Freedom: The Radical Nature of the Gospel. West Monroe, LA: Howard Publishing, 2004.

Have you ever read something and then wondered how the author jumped in your head and wrote exactly what you'd been thinking?  Scandalous Freedom sounds very similar to some of the things I have posted here.  Brown's point is simple: in Christ we are really, truly free, but Christians are scared of freedom and end up creating rules for themselves in order to feel like they can do something to help God with this whole salvation and sanctification process.

It doesn't work like that.  God really does love us beyond what we can imagine, and He really has already paid our debt through Christ.  So we really are free already, free to dance and laugh and smile and be a testimony to the world around us, not of the drudgery of Christian life, but of the amazing freeing power of the gospel.

Scandalous Freedom is fairly well-written and reads really easily (except the sentence containing the words "I woke up unconscious" [203] which I still can't quite figure out).  This book definitely deserves a first (and second) read-through.

The Santa Pause

When I was in second grade, my teacher arranged for our class to exchange letters with another second grade class.  I was so excited when I got to read a letter from my penpal.  Our classes wrote to each other maybe once a month.  We would take part of a class day to write our letters and our teacher would check them and then send them on to the other class.  I remember the day in October when we wrote to our penpals.  Many of us wrote about Halloween.  My penpal wanted to know what I was going to be for Halloween.  I wrote, "I don't celebrate Halloween because it goes against God."

My teacher called me up to her desk and told me I couldn't write that.  She said, "I believe in God, and I celebrate Halloween."  I was so confused.  How could she possibly do that? It was so obvious, to my black-and-white 8-year old brain, that Halloween was evil.  I had been told it was evil, so people who like Halloween must be evil.  My teacher liked Halloween, but she didn't seem evil to me. 

It wasn't until I got to college that I realized some people had grown up with the same view of Santa Claus.  There were many people in attendance at my highly unusual university who had never believed in Santa Claus, who had been told that a focus on Santa takes the focus off of Jesus, and who had decided never to tell their children about Santa Claus, either, lest the children think that Jesus has the same mythical status as the man in the red suit.  Somehow this lesson had passed by the adults in my life, so although I did not trick-or-treat, did not pass out valentines, and did not believe in an Easter bunny, I did believe in Santa.

Jon Acuff has already done an excellent job of discussing the myth that telling kids Santa is real will make them doubt God, so I will not belabor the point here.  You can read his post on the issue if you're interested.  What intrigued me as I read his post, and as I thought about those people in college, is to imagine me as a child without Santa.  Would I have looked down on kids in my class who believed in Santa?  Would I have told them that believing in Santa "goes against God"? Very possibly. 

It doesn't bother me that some people choose not to tell their kids that Santa will bring them toys on Christmas morning.  Eventually, kids will learn that no man in a red suit will squeeze down their chimney with a bag full of goodies, and they will be grateful, instead, for the parents whom God gave them, parents who probably spoil them rotten every December 25.  What bothers me is that the Santa issue, like the Halloween issue or the Easter Bunny issue or any other controversial topic that Christians spend time debating on, could become a point of judgment.  If this topic is not dealt with well, if kids do not learn to treat others with grace, then they will soon be judging their classmates for "going against God" by believing in Santa.  It is a very difficult and painful process to pull oneself out of that type of judgmental thinking, especially if a person has been exposed to it from childhood.

How much better it would be to apply grace to the entire idea.  How much better to teach kids that no, Santa isn't real, but some people like to pretend about him and that's okay.  How much better to teach kids to think critically about issues like this and their impact on our testimony.  Then, instead of a pat answer, a child (or adult) would have the tools to respond properly to someone's beliefs, even if they are different.

I'm glad my teacher stopped me from telling my penpal that Halloween "goes against God."  Not knowing what else to say in my letter, I'm sure I changed the topic to something other than Halloween.  Looking back, I wish I had said, "I am not going trick-or-treating this year.  What are you dressing up as?  Do you get to trick-or-treat with a lot of kids in your neighborhood?"  Being interested in someone else's interests does so much more to further a relationship than a simple "that's not something I do so it must be wrong" judgment.

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The Prodigal God

Keller, Timothy.  The Prodigal God: Recovering the Heart of the Christian Faith. New York: Penguin Group, 2008.

Many of us are familiar with the story of the prodigal son as narrated in Luke 15.  This is a beautiful parable of extravagant redemption and a great reminder of the gospel.  In true English-teacher fashion, Keller asks us to remember the audience of this message.  Jesus was speaking not only to the tax-collectors and sinners, the "younger brothers" of His day, but also to the Pharisees, the "older brothers."  This message would have been quite offensive to the law-abiding religious leaders. 

Keller also points out the end of the story: the younger brother has been redeemed, restored, and forgiven, but the fate of the older brother is not detailed.  We don't know if he chose to come in to the party and rejoice at the return of his brother or if he decided to continue to snub his father and earn his father's continued displeasure.  Jesus' offer to the Pharisees couldn't be more obvious, and He extends that same offer to us today.

Similar to Christless Christianity, Prodigal God points out the need for the gospel in the life of all people, both those who can see their desperate need of a Savior and those who may think they have it all figured out already.  May we who have been saved by grace alone remember that we are also sanctified by grace alone.

Christless Christianity

Horton, Michael. Christless Christianity: The Alternative Gospel of the American Church. Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 2008.

"The greatest threat to Christ-centered witness even in churches that formally affirm sound teaching is . . . the idea that the gospel is necessary for getting saved, but after we sign on, the rest of the Christian life is all the fine print: conditional forgiveness. . . . We got in by grace but now we need to stay in by following various steps, lists, and practices. There was this brief and shining moment of grace, but now the rest of the Christian life is about our experience, feelings, commitment, and obedience" (119-120).

Horton's work is an attack on the extremes of American Christianity that have drifted away from the gospel.  He casts a critical light both on legalistic churches, where God is angry and people are scared into following lists of man-made rules, and easy-believism churches, where God is like a cosmic therapist or life coach who is just here to improve the quality of your earthly life.  Horton's point is clear: we all need to go back to the basics and remember the gospel.  We were saved through God's grace and we can live for Him only through His grace.

"Even as a Christian, my faith will actually be weakened when it is assumed that I already know the gospel and now I just need a steady diet of instructions. I will naturally revert to my moralistic impulse and conclude either that I am fully surrendered or that I cannot pull this off and might as well stop trying.  When my conscience leads me to despair, the exhortation to try harder will only deepen either my self-righteousness or my spiritual depression" (130).

This book is not quickly digestible, and the author does spend major portions of several chapters focusing on the works of various other authors; however, I would still put this book in the "worthy of checking out of the library" category.  My students would remind me that hard things are good for us, and making a person's brain hurt will likely not kill him.  This book does serve as a good reminder of the importance of the gospel in the life of a Christian.

Washed and Waiting

Hill, Wesley. Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2010.

This book was recommended to me by a friend, and as I did my googling to find more information, I was shocked to discover that such a book existed.  "Really?" my brain said, "somone has written about this?"  In all of my reading and searching, I have never, ever found a book written by a Christian who struggles with homosexuality.  Never. 

This book reads a lot more like a memoir than a textbook, and I believe Hill did this on purpose.  He is not writing from the perspective of having all the answers, but rather describing his journey to find those answers.  I appreciated this change in perspective, and I was intrigued by the concepts he wrestled with as he struggled to discover what healing from homosexuality would look like in his life.

It seems that most people have in their heads the idea that healing from homosexuality looks like, well, heterosexuality, that a person who struggles with homosexual desires needs to actively pursue a desire for an attraction to members of the opposite sex.  I know people who have struggled with homosexuality and are now "healed" according to this definition.  But there are also scores of Christians who are seeking to glorify the Lord in everything, including their sexuality, yet still struggle with homosexual desires.  Is it right to say that they should pursue wholeness in the form of heterosexuality?

Hill explores the concept of a "celibate gay Christian," that is, a Christian who is tempted by homosexuality but chooses not to act on those desires.  Is it possible that God would choose not to heal a person of this temptation, but rather to give them the grace to live with the temptation and to glorify Him through it?  Hill believes so, and 2 Corinthians 12 seems to agree with him.  Just as it is possible for a person to be tempted to steal, but choose not to steal, or to be tempted to lie, but choose not to lie, it should also be possible for a person to be tempted with homosexuality, yet choose not to act on it.  After all, temptation in and of itself is not wrong.  Jesus Himself was tempted, yet He never sinned. 

What I like about Hill's alternate view of healing from homosexuality is that it pulls the focus off of the homosexual desires and puts it back on glorifying God.  Instead of pursing freedom from homosexual desires, the Christian who struggles can instead focus on getting to know God better through studying the Bible, worshiping and serving Him in a church community, basking in His love and grace, and sharing the message of the gospel with those around him.  If God chooses to relieve that person of the temptations of homosexuality, wonderful! I would gladly rejoice with him. However, it is entirely possible that God would choose rather to allow that person to continue to struggle so that God's grace can be shown in his life.  After all, that is why we are still here on Earth: to show God's grace and mercy and love to those around us.

I am going to end this post with lyrics from Matthew West's song "The Healing Has Begun."  I believe these lyrics are applicable to any number of secrets that we carry around inside us, not just homosexuality.

You have carried the weight of your secret for way too long
Thinking if there is a place called forgiveness you don't belong
Oh, but freedom can never be found behind those walls
So just let 'em fall
Just let 'em fall

Oh, the healing has begun

How long has it been since you've felt anything but shame
Child, lift up your eyes cause mercy remembers your name
And those tears you've been holding back
Let 'em fall like rain
Cause today is the day
Yeah today is the day

Oh, the healing has begun

There's a world full of people dying from broken hearts
Holding on to their guilt thinking they fell too far
So don't be afraid to show them your beautiful scars
Cause they're the proof
Yeah, you're the proof

Oh, the healing has begun

If you or someone you know is struggling with homosexuality, help is available.  You do not need to struggle through this alone.  Visit the website of Living Hope Ministries or feel free to contact me.

unChristian Theme 6: Too Judgmental

"To be judgmental is to point out something that is wrong in someone else's life, making the person feel put down, excluded, and marginalized. Some part of their potential to be Christ followers is snuffed out. Being judgmental is fueled by self-righteousness, the misguided inner motivation to make our own life look better by comparing it to the lives of others" (182).

"This raises another important question.  Are we perceived to be a loving group of people? . . . We asked outsiders, churchgoers, and pastors to describe whether they perceive Christian churches to be loving environments, places where people are unconditionally loved and accepted regardless of how they look or what they do. Only one out of five outsiders said they perceived churches in this way.  Surprisingly, fewer than half of churchgoers, including born-again Christians, felt strongly that their church demonstrates unconditional love" (185). 

Sadly, I have to agree.  Not all the time, not in every church or Christian group, but I have been in places where love is completely conditional: you are loved and accepted only if you dress right, read the right version of the Bible, give the right amount in the offering, listen to the right kind of music, have the right number of piercings or the right color hair, etc. etc. "Think of it: many outsiders, the broken people who need Jesus most, picture Christians as haters" (189).  When even fellow Christians can describe church as a place where they do not feel welcome, we should realize we have a serious problem.

Here's the solution, as suggested by those who have found church to be an unwelcome and unloving place:

1.  Listen.
2.  Don't label.
3.  Put yourself in the other person's place.
4.  Don't be so smart.
5.  Be genuine.
6.  Be a friend with no other motives.

Overall, this book painted a very unflattering picture of Christianity.  We have spent so much time trying to be holy and perfect that we have forgotten how to be loving and gracious.  We have created hedges around God's rules and then applied those rules and their accompanying hedges to everyone around us, regardless of their beliefs.  And we have been pushing people away from the One who loved them enough to die for them.  How dare we put ourselves in a place where we make the gospel seem less attractive.

May we all remember that the person sitting next to us on the bus, begging for spare change at the corner, in front of us in line at the grocery store, working with us at our jobs - these are eternal souls whom God loves dearly.  Let's break down the barriers and open the doors to the gospel once again.

unChristian Theme 5: Too Political

I was amazed when November rolled around this last year and elections were not mentioned at my church.  I was far too used to someone from the pulpit telling me exactly how to vote all the while also telling me that he shouldn't tell me how to vote. It didn't really surprise me, then, to discover that Christians as a whole are perceived as being too involved in politics, too insistent on pushing their own agenda through our government.

Would you be surprised if I told you that the Christians who chose to vote in this last election were scattered in their party affiliations?  There were as many "Christian Democrats" as there were "Christian Republicans."  There were, and will continue to be, many people who simply don't vote along party lines.  This is true not just in Christendom but also throughout much of this generation.  Busters and Mosaics aren't loyal to political parties; they are loyal to issues.

It shouldn't be surprising, then, to discover that many people who do not claim to be Christ followers will agree with us politically, and many people who are committed to following Christ might disagree with us.  This is not a case of "Christians versus non-Christians."  We are not at war with our fellow citizens, and it simply is not sinful for another person to disagree with us on a political issue or to choose to vote differently from us.

"We are representatives of Jesus to every person in our culture, regardless of whether we agree politically.  Our lives should reflect Jesus, which includes not just how we vote, but every element of our political engagement--our conversations abou tpolitics as well as our attitudes about ideological opponents. This may seem obvious, but based on our research on this subject, we must realize that our political activism, if expressed in an unChristian manner, prevents a new generation from seeing Christ" (155).

unChristian Theme 4: Sheltered

"Christians are too sheltered.  They live in their little bubbles of Christianity and have no idea what's going on in the real world.  They are unwilling to come out of the bubble to participate in the real world, although they will invite you into their world."  This is the basic idea that some non-Christians and also some Christians have of the Christian community.  We have our own K-12 schools, our own universities, our own worlds completely separate from "the real world."  We even have our own lingo and customs in our world, and transitioning between the two can be awkward and uncomfortable.

I've already discussed the solution to this problem in another post. But the point should be plain: in order for us to show Jesus to the rest of the world, we need to be willing to be involved with the rest of the world.  I suggest that every Christian make a resolution for 2011: get involved in some sort of community group, whether it be a bowling league, the PTA at the school, volunteering at the library, joining Team in Training, or some other group where the activity is not centered in your church and does not necessarily involve fellow church members.  Spend your time getting to know other people as people, not as projects or outsiders.  Let's make 2011 a salty year.

unChristian Theme 3: Anti-Homosexual

Off all the topics addressed in this book, this topic received the most consistent results from the study.  Nearly every person who was surveyed stated that Christians hate homosexuals. This is really sad, especially when we consider that God loves homosexuals.  Yes, that's right: God loves homosexuals. 

Somehow we have arbitrarily decided that homosexuality must be a worse sin than any other sin in the world.  Alcoholics, drug dealers, prostitutes, and mass murderers even rate better on the "sin scale" than gays or lesbians.  Some Christians have gone so far as to picket at funerals of homosexuals, turning a family's fresh grief into frustration and rage.  Truly, this particular issue has done more to tarnish the name of Christ in recent years than any other.

And I helped.  I am not proud of that fact, but I am learning to be transparent, and part of being transparent is admitting when I am wrong.   When I was in high school, I got to know a girl I'll call Suzie.  Suzie and I had a lot in common: our parents were divorced, we lived with our moms and one younger sibling, we loved science fiction, especially Star Trek, we did not fit in to any of the pre-established cliques at our high school.  We became friends and I started inviting Suzie to church activities.  She came, she made friends, she accepted Christ and got very involved in our church and youth group.  Having moved so often earlier on in life, I was ecstatic to have a friend, especially one who shared my faith.

One day we were at my house and Suzie was clearly bothered by something.  She finally said, "I have something to tell you: I'm gay."  I cannot even begin to imagine the courage it took for her to admit that to me.  I cannot begin to imagine the struggles she had gone through and the difficulties she was dealing with.  At first, I was merely shocked.  I didn't know what to do or what to say or how to react.

Later on, though, in discussing this with my youth pastor, I came to a conclusion: if Suzie claimed to be a Christian and also claimed to be gay, I could not be friends with her anymore.  This clearly fell into the category of "Christians living in known sin and refusing to repent."  So I told her we couldn't be friends, and her mother wrote me a scathing letter telling me how horrible I was for abandoning her.  She said she had always known that Suzie was gay and that Suzie needed support now, not condemnation.

Suzie's mom was right.  Not that Suzie was "born gay" necessarily or that I should approve of her decision, but that she needed support and love, not condemnation.  What I did was the worst thing possible.  What I did was no better than those people who picket at funerals.  What I did was tarnish the name of Jesus.  Suzie, if by some miracle you are reading this, I am sorry.  I was wrong to judge you; I was wrong to condemn you; I was wrong to abandon you. 

"During the Alexandrian plague (third century), Christians risked their lives in caring for the sick, taking a posture of grace that said, "I am here for you. I may die, but you will not be alone." The church embodied the gospel and the message was not forgotten.
In the 1980s, the AIDS epidemic hit the gay community. Otherwise healthy men were dying and nobody knew why.  The only link seemed to be their sexuality. The church had the opportunity to again speak grace and instead spewed venom. Rather than showing compassion, we self-righteously proclaimed God's judgement.  The message came through loud and clear.
It was the wrong message.
And it has not been forgotten" (110).

The reasons behind a person's proclivity to homosexuality are more complex than can be properly handled here, however, please abandon the naive idea that a person simply wakes up one day and says, "You know, I think I want to be gay."  It is not that simple.  Neither does anyone wake up one day and say, "I want to be an alcoholic.  I want to be a shoplifter.  I want to be a gossip.  I want to be a murderer."    The important thing to remember in speaking with a homosexual is the same thing to remember in speaking with any other human being: every person has an eternal soul, and every person has a story.  Do not presume to understand anything about another person until you know her story.

Many of you already know parts of my story.  Very few of you know most or all of my story.  A mere handful of you know this part of my story: I have struggled with homosexuality.  The rest of that story will have to wait for another time perhaps, but suffice it to say that the day I discovered that my desires ran counter to my beliefs was a terrifying and confusing day.  My twelve-year stint in fundamentalism and my conviction that to act on homosexual desires is to sin stopped me from ever acting on them. But for God's grace I would be the one thinking the church had no place for me, Christians had no love for me, and God had no salvation for me. "The Bible is clear: homosexual practice is inconsistent with Christan discipleship. But there is not a special judgment for homosexuals, and there is not a special righteousness for heterosexuals. For all of us, our only hope for the fracture in our soul is the cross of Christ" (111).

What a person struggling with homosexuality needs to hear from you is that you care.  They do not need you to affirm their decision, they do not need you to approve of their lifestyle.  Chances are they already know what you think.  But they do need you to love them.  They need you to listen to them.  They need you to be willing to spend time with them, inviting them to your backyard cookouts and ball games.  They need to know that their sexual orientation will not be the one chasm in your relationship with them. 

Jesus associated with tax collectors and prostitues, the "untouchables" of His day.  Were He here on Earth today, I have no doubt that He would spend time with homosexuals.  Jesus has left us here to be His hands and face and heart to those around us.  Picket signs have done little to show our love; maybe it's time we get our hands dirty.

If you or someone you know is struggling with homosexuality, please visit the website of Living Hope Ministries.  You are not beyond God's love and you are not alone.

unChristian Theme 2: Conversion Obsession

I've covered this concept in another post, but it bears repeating: Christians should not befriend non-Christians solely for the purpose of converting them.  The worst thing a Christian can do is assume that the only thing another person would ever want to discuss is the gospel.  Fellow humans are worth so much more than a mere five- or ten-minute conversation.  How damaging it must be when a person's only experience with a Christian is when the Christian befriends him or her, only to drop the friendship the instant it is clear that he or she is not interested in salvation. 

I cannot begin to tell you the frustration and hurt that some of my friends and acquaintances have experienced at the hands of well-meaning Christians.  A Saturday morning knock on the door does not a Christian create.   For just a moment, think about what would happen if someone tried to convert you to Buddhism, Mormonism, Judaism, or Islam.  It would be difficult to convince you to make such a major life change, wouldn't it?  It would likely take several conversations, possibly several years, wouldn't it? What would you think of Buddhism, for example, if a Buddhist befriended you, but then abandoned you as soon as you showed no sign of converting to Buddhism?  Would that action convince you that Buddhists are loving people who serve a loving God? 

Christian friendships, whether with other Christians or with non-Christians, need to have the staying power of the love that never fails.  People need to know that we want to be their friends for more than a tally mark in our Bible covers.  People are complex, and it is so important that we spend time getting to know them, walking in their shoes, loving them before we insist on converting them.  Jesus did not stop conversing with or spending time with those who did not accept His message. 

"To change the perception that we are focused only on converts, we have to embrace a more holistic idea of what it means to be a Christ follower.  This requires us to focus our attention on spiritual transformation--or spiritual formation, as some describe it. ... Most people in America, when they are exposed to the Christian faith, are not being transformed.  They take one step into the door, and the journey ends.  They are not being allowed, encouraged, or equipped to love or to think like Christ"(79, 82).  And they will never be encouraged or equipped this way if we do not continue our relationships with them.  "Shifting the get-saved perception happens when we learn that relationships are the key--not just in leading people to Christ but also in helping them be transformed.  We can create an environment in which relationships facilitate spiritual formation"(83) . 

Please bear in mind that the person you are speaking with is a human being with an eternal soul, not just another notch in your spiritual belt.  By all means share the gospel with those around you, by all means pray for their salvation, but remember that a true conversion is unliekly to happen in a quick conversation during visitation.  Real transformation takes staying power.

unChristian Theme 1: Hypocrisy

Non-Christians see most Christians as very hypoctrical people.  They see that we have all these rules and regulations and ways that we think we can judge them, but our lifestyles are not that different from theirs.  They see coming to Christ as a way to bring more rules and laws upon themselves, rules that we state but do not follow.

Kinnaman shows through his study that Christians, as a whole, put a major emphasis on lifestyle spirituality - doing the right thing and avoiding sin, and yet statistically they are guilty of the same sins as those who claim no relationship to Christ: "Our reseach shows that Christians believe the primary reason outsiders have rejected Christ is that they cannot handle the rigorous standards of following Christ. There is a nuance here that allows Christians to feel like they're better than other people, more capable of being holy and sinless" (51).

"The gospel - the Good News of Jesus - is that God has released us from the endless striving to measure up to God's standards, let alone the expectations of other human beings. ... What are Christians known for? Outsiders think of our moralizing, our condemnations, and our attempts to draw boundaries around everything.  Even if these standards are accurate and biblical, they seem to be all we have to offer.  And our lives are a poor advertisement for these standards" (51-52).

How do we solve this?  We need to be transparent.  We need to be willing to be seen as human beings, people who often fail at the things they attempt.  We need to remember that our neighbors are also human, also imperfect, and we simply cannot expect them to hold to a standard that we ourselves also cannot maintain.  As the Casting Crowns song "What This World Needs" states, "What this world needs is for us to care more about the inside than the outside. Have we become so blind that we can't see God's gotta change her heart before He changes her shirt."

Before you climb back up on the high horse of your own pseudo-holy standards, please remember that when Christ died on the cross, He was paying for your sins, too.  We're all in the same boat, and this boat has no first-class seats.

unChristian

Kinnaman, David and Gabe Lyons. unChristian: What a New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity and Why It Matters. Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 2007.

I can sum up this book in one word: wow.  The basic idea behind this book is this: scores of young people (ages 18-30) are leaving the church or are turned off by Christianity, and the authors wanted to know why.  This book is a culmination of years of study and thousands of surveys conducted both of people within and outside of the church.  The news isn't pretty. 

Many Busters (my generation - people in their late twenties and thirties) and Mosaics (people in their late teens and twenties) are completely turned off to the idea of Christianity because of things they see in Christians around them.  The scariest part of this survey was the discovery that many people within the church, those who can claim status as committed Christians and who are truly "born again," agreed with their non-Christian counterparts.  The problems in the church are so widespread and so rampant that even believers see these problems.

The bottom line: as Christians, our testimony has become an anti-testimony.  Instead of inviting people to Christ, we are pushing them away. The authors explore six main issues that turn people away from Christianity and suggest alternative perceptions the church should pursue. 

What needs to be said about this book will not fit in one post alone.  I will be continuing my discussion of this book, including detailing the six issues and their solutions, in later posts.  For now, though, if you are reading this, please step away from your computer, head to your local library or bookstore, and pick up this book.  This problem simply cannot be ignored.

Understanding Fundamentalism and Evangelicalism

Marsden, George.  Understanding Fundamentalism and Evangelicalism. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1991.

This book was recommended to me, and I was shocked to discover that it was available at my public library.  I have been very interested in studying the roots of Fundamentalism and the split between Fundamentalists and Evangelicals. 

This book reads much like a history textbook.  The information is fairly interesting, although I will have to admit that I began skimming about halfway through the book.  I wished there had been more details about Fundamentalism specifically; I was hoping for more information about the movement in the last 100 years.

Having spent twelve years in the Fundamentalist world, specifically in the realm of education, I was already familiar with most of the information in this book, so it did not hold my interest as long as it might have otherwise.  I'm sure it would be a great resource or starting point for a person who is unfamiliar with Fundamentalism, but a person who spent any amount of time with history textbooks from Christian schools need not bother.

Guilt-o-Meters

"Jenni, you know, you could quit apologizing so much.  Usually you're apologizing for something that wasn't wrong and that didn't offend me," a friend of mine once said. I gave her the only response I could think of:

"I'm sorry I apologize so much." 

Looking back at that situation, I can laugh it off and see how silly it was that I apologized so much.  But at the time I didn't know what else to do.  I apologized because I was sorry, and I was sorry because I felt guilty for doing something wrong.  I wasn't always sure what I did wrong, but I was convinced that everything I did was tainted with sin, so it was pretty much a guarantee that in any situation I was the one who had caused offense. Hence the guilt, the remorse, the constant apologizing, and the constant tiptoeing on tenterhooks.  With a mindset like that, offense was inevitable.  It was just a matter of time.

Only a few days ago I finally found the source of this overactive guilt-o-meter: the clue was cleverly disguised on the website for the highly unusual university I attended.   On a page describing the meaning behind the university's crest, one can find these words: "The scales stand for the proper balance of life and that man weighed in God's balances is always found wanting" (emphasis mine).

No wonder I spent so much time feeling guilty.  According to this description, I am always guilty.  All the time.  No matter what I do.  My motivations or actions or attitude or words or something is always found wanting, even as a redeemed child of the living God.  I am always found wanting.  This is possibly the most depressing message a person could ever hear.  Why even bother accepting Christ's gift of salvation if the guilt remains?

But wait a minute.  Remember the Gospel retold with the guilt message removed?  When I accept Christ's gift of salvation, God no longer sees all my sin when He looks at me.  Instead, He sees Christ's perfect record.  That's how I get to heaven.  That's why I serve Him now.  And that's why I don't have to feel guilty anymore. 

There are far too many Christians who are living with faulty guilt-o-meters.  They are feeling guilty for everything they do, even the acts of devotion or service which they have dedicated to God as a great big thank-you for all He's done for them.   Too many Christians are tearing their hair out trying to be perfect and failing every time, because they forget that, as human beings, they are going to fail at perfection.  And they forget that God already knows that.  He remembers that we're just dust.  He knows we can't save ourselves.  And He provided a solution to abolish all that guilt.

This weekend I threw away my guilt-o-meter.  It's gone.  I refuse to feel falsely guilty for things that simply are. not. wrong.  I refuse to invent sins I could possibly have commited just so I can again feel guilty.  I refuse to feel guilty for being a human being who is not perfect.  I refuse to be addicted to a daily fix of guilt when I could spend my time basking in the love of my Savior.

Outliers

Gladwell, Malcolm. Outliers: The Story of Success. New York: Little, Brown, and Company, 2009.

Having read The Tipping Point and Blink, I was excited when I found this book.  Gladwell explores the concept of success in this book.  What makes a person successful?  Is it family background? Luck? Hard work? Inherited genius? Cultural issues? 

Using data collected from diverse groups such as Canadian hockey players, New York lawyers, and Korean airline pilots, Gladwell explains how our background has much more to do with our success than we would otherwise believe.

This is an absolutely fascinating read.  I highly recommend it.

PS - I have posted more than 200 times this year and have 10,000 hits on this blog.  A big thank you to those of you who read and recommend. 

Defying Gravity

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by
The rules of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes
And leap...

It's time to try defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
And you can't pull me down

I'm through accepting limits
'Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love, I guess I've lost
Well if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost

I'd sooner buy defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!
So if you care to find me
Look to the Western sky!
As someone told me lately
Everyone deserves the chance to fly
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who ground me
Take a message back from me!

I've mentioned this before on my blog, but it bears repeating: I love Wicked, not the book, but the musical.  The musical version of this story is drastically different from the book, and in this case the musical is much better. 

Elphaba, eventually known as the Wicked Witch of the West, is at school and discovers that the citizens of Oz are discriminating against the animals.  Because of this discrimination, the animals are losing their voices.  She goes to the wizard, hoping for support or a solution, but he shrugs off the problem and instead offers her a chance at fame like his, if she'll only agree with him and ignore the problems around her.  She decides the problems are too big to ignore, and consequently she is shunned and her reputation is shattered.  In the end, she chooses to have the reputation of the "wicked witch" so that she can follow what she believes is right, even though it clearly isn't popular. 

Sometimes I feel a bit like Elphaba.  It is a difficult and scary thing to leave behind everything you've known, but if you are convinced that it is the right thing to do, there really isn't any other option.  And God's right there with you, cheering you on, showing you more of Himself all the way.  Sometimes the only answer is a leap of faith.

White Noise

When I first moved to San Francisco, I spent a few sleepless nights listening to traffic noises, the sounds of conversation in other apartments, the television upstairs, the water running in our bathroom, and the cable cars passing out front.  I was not used to these sounds, and they distracted my brain from focusing on sleep.  I solved this problem by turning on my white noise machine.  Yes, I have a small device in my bedroom that emits white noise for me.  The white noise is a beautiful thing; it drowns out all these other sounds and muffles them.  I have been using this machine for so long that I can turn it on in the middle of the day and fall asleep within five minutes.  The white noise has been a blessing and a great solution to sleeping in a noisy city.

There is one tiny problem, however.  When the white noise machine is on, I don't hear anything else.  This means I don't hear traffic, televisions, running water, conversations, or other things that I don't want to hear, but I also don't hear telephones, emergency sirens, or my cat when he's outside my door screaming for attention.  The white noise that does a great job at blocking harmful sounds can also block helpful sounds.  I don't even hear my own cell phone ringing, and it is usually sitting on my dresser at night.  The white noise that is so great at helping me sleep also prevents me from hearing things I need to hear. 

Some churches have adopted what I call "Christian white noise."  Others would call it serving or keeping busy or being involved.  Some believe this keeps people out of trouble; if you are busy doing good things, you are distracted from and have no time for wicked things.  In the past, I probably would have agreed with that statement.  I once led a very busy life.  I would be up at 4:45 AM just so I could squeeze in exercise before a long day teaching, often with no break.  I would finish school and head home around 4:00 PM so I could grade papers and plan lessons and make dinner and do laundry and shop for groceries (if I actually had funds for such an activity) and get ready for the next day, often with a church service or activity thrown in.  Church was even more stressful than the rest of my life, because I was serving there, too.  There were times when I did not attend a worship service for weeks in a row because I was teaching Sunday school or working in the nursery or helping in children's church or AWANA.

Christians truly are the busiest of busy people.  They can be consumed with service and working at church, and it seems that the church atmosphere encourages this kind of insane busy-ness. If you work one night a month in the nursery, we'll ask you to do two.  If you teach Sunday school this quarter, we'll see if you can do it next quarter, too.  You're the AWANA secretary?  How 'bout being the Sunday school secretary, too?  If the church normally has three (or, in some cases, four) services a week, let's add a special week each quarter where there are services every single night.

Somehow in all this serving Christians have decided that God must love them more if they serve Him more. If we add more and more things to our Christian resume, after all, Jesus will bless us more and we will become super-Christians.  In being busy with all our serving, though, we forget to stop and listen.  We forget to think and reflect.  The white noise of our busy-ness that distracts us from wasting time also silences the warning bells in our heads.

Sometimes I wonder if this is intentional.  If we don't hear the warning bells, after all, we don't have to respond to them.  If we don't have time to think, then we don't have time to question or discuss.  If we don't have time to think, then we don't have time to remember one important thing: God already loves us as much as He possibly can.  It is simply not possible for Him to love us more than He already does.  The good things I do won't earn me "brownie points" with God, and the bad things I do will not remove His love. 

So when I was so busy and so involved that I was, really, working 60+ hours a week in addition to serving at church, I wasn't earning more of God's love.  He didn't love me then more than He does now that I work a part-time job and attend only one church service per week.  So what's the difference?  If it doesn't matter, then who cares how busy people get?  Why not leave the Christian workaholics alone? 

Because in all their serving, they're forgetting the one good thing we can do: stop and sit at the feet of Jesus and just learn of Him.  In my busy-ness serving in church, I had no time to stop and review the sermon throughout the week.  I had little time to search the Scriptures.  I had little time to bask in God's love for me and to shine that love to others. There was no time for me to ponder big questions or to think through my standards or consider how I can best glorify God.  Instead of using the Bible and the brain that God has given me, I was forced to resort to a list of man-made rules in hopes that these rules would bring me closer to God.  And when those rules chafed, I had no time to reflect on the reason, so I would chalk it up to my own worldly attitude or bitterness or some other such nonsense.

It is high time that we did away with the insanity of over-service and allowed people time to think.  It is high time we created a time of rest for ourselves so that the lists of man-made rules can be abolished in favor of Christians using their brains and Bibles to discover what God thinks about issues rather than following what others think are true paths to holiness.  Pharisaical Christianity is doing little to further a true relationship with Christ, and the insanity of over-service is preventing us from being salt and light in the world.

A Little Bit Wicked

Chenoweth, Kristin and Joni Rodgers. A Little Bit Wicked: Life, Love and Faith in Stages. New York: Touchstone, 2009.

I was handed this book under the assumption that I would be interested in reading about Kristin Chenoweth.  I was quite interested, not only because of her hilarious song "Taylor, the Latte Boy" but also because of her appearance in the Broadway musical Wicked. I really, really enjoyed the performance of Wicked that I saw here in San Francisco, so I was intrigued by this book.

Parts of the book were very interesting.  Chenoweth definitely has an entertaining writing style, and I enjoyed some of the anecdotes she shared throughout her story.  Other parts of the book were slower and more difficult to get through, and I found myself skimming through pages at times. 

Overall, I would say this book is mildly interesting.  I enjoyed reading it mostly because I don't have another book on my stack just yet, but I will not be adding this book to my collection.  Check it out from the library if you are really interested.

The Best Christmas Story Ever

I am sad not to be in a classroom at this time of year, not because I miss the mandated insanity, but because I cannot continue a tradition I started my first year of teaching: every year I would read the book The Best Christmas Pageant Ever to my students.

When I used to work at a Bible club, we would spend a large amount of time in the weeks leading up to Christmas trying to explain to the kids the true reason for the celebrations.  The Christmas story was always fascinating to them because many of them had never heard of it before.

This book contains the story of a family rather similar to my Bible club kids.  The Herdman kids shake up a church Christmas play by reacting as if this was the first time they had ever heard the Christmas story, because, quite frankly, it was.  The Herdmans teach the kids and adults around them to appreciate the Christmas story all over again.

This is why I read this book to my students.  I wanted them to be shaken out of their Christian Christmas lethargy to think about what they were hearing.  God came to Earth as a baby and was born in an obscure village where there wasn't even room for his mother to stay in a proper room.  His first bed, as Imogene Herdman so eloquently put it, was a "feed box." 

I read this book to my students so they would think about the Savior's birth and would remember why He came.  Jesus was born because God wanted to bridge the gap between us and Him.  Christ's birth is a reminder of God's great love for us.

If you have never read this book, I recommend that you do.  I could read it out loud to a classroom of students in less than two hours.  It is definitely worth your time.  Better yet, read it yourself and then read it out loud to your kids.  You'll thank me later.

A Christmas Carol

I love Christmas.  I'll admit it.  I love Christmas trees and decorations and twinkly lights and buying presents for people and enjoying colder weather and drinking peppermint-flavored beverages and looking at all the cute and fun and strange things sold in stores at this time of year.  But even more than that, I really love Christmas music.  I like it so much that I even listen to it during the summer when I just can't wait for Christmas anymore.

This year, I'm excited about Christmas music for an additional reason: I get to listen to songs about Jesus while I'm at work.  I don't mind the radio or the CDs or whatever Muzak we decide to play in the background at my store while I'm working.  Even if the music isn't my preference, I generally don't notice it much.  At Christmastime, though, I definitely notice it.  And I get to contribute.  I was asked to bring in a Christmas CD so we'd have some variety to add to our store collection.  I excitedly opened my iTunes account and chose a playlist that was a mix of songs from a variety of artists and groups.  And most of them were Christian.

That's one of the things I'm enjoying most this year: I get to be at work at my secular job and listen to Casting Crowns or Steven Curtis Chapman or Chris Tomlin or whomever else I wish, because at Christmas even unsaved people don't mind hearing about Jesus, and if it's a traditional Christmas song, they don't generally care who's singing it.

I actually enjoyed the reverse of this privilege for the past few years as well.  It was so exciting for me to get to Christmas and discover that the ministry where I worked didn't pay much attention to who was doing the singing as long as the music was festive and Christmas-y.  So I could sneak in Casting Crowns or other "banned" Christian groups and also listen to the music from secular artists as well.  It was such a relief to bring back music I had grown up on, music I had had to abandon once I learned that listening to anything not approved by the church was an obvious sign of rebellion. 

I started thinking about this the other day, though, and I became rather confused.  I can listen to Christian music at my store at this time of year because the lyrics are talking about Christmas, which is something most people recognize even if they choose not to celebrate or choose to make it a completely secular holiday.  One year ago I could listen to Christmas music by secular artists, artists whose non-Christmas music I could not listen to, because the lyrics were talking about Christmas.  Apparently, anyone's music is acceptable listening material as long as that person is singing about the birth of Jesus.

Once December 26 hit, though, all of my "secular Christmas music" had to be put away, and I had to say goodbye to any unacceptable artists for the rest of the year.  I find it odd that at Christmas time the only thing that mattered was the lyrics, and that for the rest of the year everything else mattered, too.  I have already been on the music soapbox long enough, so I won't repeat here what I have written elsewhere. 

Somehow I wonder if we should apply the Christmas rule at other times of the year.  Regardless of the artist, the style of music, etc., perhaps we should be more concerned about the words in the songs.  After all, there are some Christian songs whose doctrine I disagree with, and there are some secular songs with perfectly acceptable messages.  If all secular music is wrong, why do small children sing "The Wheels on the Bus" and "How Much is that Doggie in the Window"?

I am glad it is Christmas time.  I am glad I get to listen to Christmas music at work, and I am glad that even after Christmas, my music choices are not based on a Pharisaical list of "the only music truly godly people listen to," but rather on what God has taught me through my study of His Word.  I am glad God gave me a brain and a Bible and that He wants me to use both to learn more about Him.  And I am glad for the wide variety of options I have for praising Him in song, both during the "most wonderful time of the year" and throughout the rest of the calendar as well.

Granola Land Part 9: SantaCon

"Beware of drunken Santas."  These words of warning, uttered by my manager as she called in to work yesterday, made me a bit confused.  I thought she was joking.  However, I knew nothing of the phenomenon called SantaCon.

Apparently there is a day every December when people dress up as Santa (or in this case, Santa or Mrs. Claus or an elf or a reindeer or whatever) and go bar-hopping all day long.  I am definitely not a proponent of people consuming large quantities of alcohol, but the idea of ridiculous numbers of Santas walking the streets is rather entertaining nonetheless.  I did not have the privilege of seeing any Santas in my store during the day, but I did spot some on my way home last night.  As I come home in the late evening, after my store has closed, and the Santas started their excursion at noon, the Santas I spotted had been out and about for quite some time. 

This phenomenon has become so accepted in San Francisco society that even people who are not participating in SantaCon look forward to the event; it is, after all, a great opportunity for some very interesting pictures.  I am glad that I got to see this event mentioned on the news, but I am also glad that I didn't have to deal with any tipsy Christmas characters staggering through my store.

The Art of Conversation

Blyth, Catherine. The Art of Conversation: A Guided Tour of a Neglected Pleasure. New York: Gotham Books, 2009.

I did not pick up this book because I enjoy conversation.  On the contrary, I picked up this book because I wanted to learn how to participate in conversation.  I am a great conversation spectator; if you ever see me at a party or some other gathering, especially if it involves mostly people I do not know or am not super-comfortable around, you will probably find me sitting and listening to someone else's conversation.  My brain just can't keep up with the verbal volley around me enough to throw in my own interesting quip or story. 

This book, unfortunately, was not entitled "How to Make an Introverted Person into a Great Conversationalist."  It was an interesting read, nonetheless.  I learned a lot about different types of conversation and the importance of conversation in general.  There's even a chapter about how to tell lies. (We'll save that discussion for another post.)  Overall this book was interesting enough for me to read one chapter at each lunch break during a few weeks at work.  It was not a book that I would stay up all night reading, but it was definitely worth checking out of the library, especially when my pile of unread books has grown dangerously low.

A Modest Proposal

The year was 1998.  I had spent a mere month and a half as a high school graduate, and I was heading off to a highly unusual university where I was to spend the next several years of my life being "educated." I was excited.  My mom dropped me off at the airport, and several hours later I arrived on campus in jeans and a t-shirt, luggage in tow.  I brought a few skirts with me, knowing that I would need them for church and possibly for concerts or some other such formal event.  Little did I know what I was getting myself into.

I soon learned that I needed to wear a skirt all the time.  Not just for church, not even just for classes, but for doing my laundry and going to Wendy's and shopping at Wal-Mart and running around in the church parking lot with the Bible club kids.  Even on a trans-Pacific flight to teach in Korea for a summer, I was still required to wear a skirt and hose. (You try climbing over fellow passengers in a modest way while you're wearing a long skirt and hose on a 15-hour flight.  I dare you.)  One of the things I was most excited about, upon leaving my former life behind and finding freedom and grace, was wearing pants again.  Really, I was just excited about being able to choose again.

I've heard arguments that skirts are more modest or more formal or more defining of one's gender, etc. etc.  I also know that it is possible for a skirt to be LESS modest and LESS formal, and in San Francisco much less defining of one's gender.  I don't necessarily think it's wrong for women to wear skirts; I just don't think that it's the only right answer, either.  Pants simply are. not. wrong.

Wearing skirts is not always appropriate.  There are many occasions where wearing a skirt would be downright immodest.  The university I attended had to make a rule about where girls could sit in the bleachers precisely because all the girls were wearing skirts and therefore were not allowed in the topmost bleachers.  Girls participating in sports would face the same problem.   I cannot even begin to count the number of times I passed a private Christian elementary school and saw little girls swinging upside down from monkey bars.  This was made even more disturbing by the fact that the sidewalk was elevated above the playground.  Surely these little girls would have benefitted from wearing pants, at least for recess.  The society of which I was a part spent a large majority of its time planning group activities that fell into the category of "things for which girls can wear pants," which meant we always went hiking or white-water rafting or horseback riding, as all other activities required a skirt.

Wearing skirts sets people apart, but not in a good way.  I always wondered when shopping at Walmart during college with my friends, whether anyone thought we were in a cult.  My brain said, "Wow, I bet we look like cult members.  I'm so glad we're not, but we sure do look like them."  I can only imagine what the other people in Walmart were thinking.  I can only imagine a conversation with them: "Hey, I'm a Christian.  God loves you, and He wants you to get saved and start dressing like me!"  There might have been a time in history when it was appropriate for women to wear skirts all the time, but it can hardly be argued that this is the case now.  Instead of being a positive testimony, Christians are turning themselves into a negative testimony.

Wearing skirts also sets others apart by allowing the skirt-wearers to think of themselves as better than those around them.  I cannot begin to explain my frustration and anger when a friend of mine, who was dressed better than I was, came to church in pants and was given dirty looks by the other congregants.  She was not dressed immodestly or inappropriately.  She came to church to worship.  How dare anyone else deny her the privilege of worshiping God, the God who loves her regardless of what clothing she's wearing?  Like many other "black and white but not in the Bible" rules, the skirt rule can cause people to feel as if they are holier or somehow closer to God because they obey a man-made rule.

I have said it before, and I will repeat it: skirts are not sinful.  Neither are pants.  I think that both options should be embraced as acceptable.  It is possible to dress modestly and appropriately in a skirt or in a pair of pants, and wearing a skirt doesn't make a person holier any more than wearing pants makes a person more sinful. 

I wore skirts for six long years of college and taught in skirts for six long years at a Christian school.  I now choose to wear pants all the time: to work, to church, when shopping, when bowling, when exercising.  I am glad that I can base my clothing choice on what would be appropriate for the occasion, rather than what would help me avoid demerits.  I am glad that my clothing is no longer an impediment to my sharing the Gospel with those around me.  I am glad that I don't have to base my spirituality on a man-made checklist. I am so glad that I can now focus on my relationship with my Heavenly Father instead of the acceptability of my wardrobe.