The Emptiness of a Vacated Room

Right now, my classroom smells like
a plug-in air freshener,
deodorizing carpet powder,
window cleaner,
and sanitizing desktop spray.

My room sounds awfully quiet, too -
only the clicking of my keyboard,
the gentle hum of the air conditioner,
and the soft shuffled stacks of newly copied papers.

It's calm.
It's quiet.
It's boring.

I like it when my classroom smells like
yesterday's lunch,
this morning's coffee,
construction paper, glue,
and seventh grade feet.

I can't wait to hear again
the laughter of children,
the buzz of a school bell,
"Miss French - Look, I'm a penguin!"
"Miss, do you have a book I can borrow?"
"Miss, I drew this picture for you."
"Miss, I don't understand; can you help me?"

Vacations are good for the soul, but I am excited at the prospect of a properly filled classroom.

I miss my kiddos.

O God, the Author of all good,
I come to thee for the grace that another day will require
for its duties and events.
I step out into a wicked world,
I carry about with me an evil heart,
I know that without Thee I can do nothing,
that everything with which I shall be concerned,
however harmless in itself,
may prove an occasion of sin or folly,
unless I am kept by Thy power.
Hold thou me up and I shall be safe.
Preserve my understanding from subtlety of error,
my affections from love of idols,
my character from stain of vice,
my profession from every form of evil.

(Bennett, Arthur. The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions. Carlisle, PA: Banner of Truth Trust, 1995.)

Concrete Angel as performed by Martina McBride

She walks to school with the lunch she packed
Nobody knows what she's holding back
Wearing the same dress she wore yesterday
She hides the bruises with the linen and lace.

The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask.
It's hard to see the pain behind the mask.
Bearing the burden of a secret storm,
Sometimes she wishes she was never born.

Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above,
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place
Where she's loved.
Concrete angel

Somebody cries in the middle of the night.
The neighbors hear but they turn out the light.
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate.
When morning comes it will be too late.

Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above,
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place
Where she's loved.
Concrete angel

A statue stands in a shaded place,
An angel girl with an upturned face.
A name is written on a polished rock
A broken heart that the world forgot.

Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above,
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place
Where she's loved
Concrete angel

What's on My Shelf

These are the books I plan to read next. Of course, with a new semester looming, next could be defined both as next week and next year. I'll keep you posted.

1. The Grammar Devotional by Mignon Fogarty
2. Radical Womanhood by Carolyn McCulley
3. Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
4. Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters by Jane Austen and Ben Winters
5. Loving People by John Townsend
6. The Truth War by John MacArthur
7. The Book of Air and Shadows by Michael Gruber
8. The Fabric of the Cosmos by Brian Greene

Eat Any Good Books Lately?

In the past year, I have read approximately 100 books. I stopped keeping track once the school year started, which is about the same time my reading pace slowed down considerably. The following is a list of the top ten books I have read this year, in no particular order.

1. Because He Loves Me by Elyse Fitzpatrick - This is an excellent book about God's love for His children and how that love should change the way we think and act. I am prone to think that somehow I should earn or deserve God's love; this book was a good reminder that His love is not earned or deserved: it's given to us because He is love.

2. Mudhouse Sabbath by Lauren Winner - This book is a Christian perspective on several Jewish rites and rituals. I appreciated Winner's writing style and unique perspective, as well as the reminder that, to the Christian, everything should be sacred.

3. Speak by Laurie Anderson - This is a teen novel. For the most part, I read teen novels to understand what my students are reading and thinking about. That was my initial purpose in reading this book as well, however, I found the story to be an interesting look into the life of a depressed teen. It's easy as a teacher to forget that my students, beyond being students, are people, too, and have lives outside of school that very much affect what happens in school.

4. Evolution, Me, & Other Freaks of Nature by Robin Brande - This is another teen novel, and although I don't agree with everything the author says (like Mark Twain, she makes a few very likable characters say some very unlikable things), I do appreciate her style of writing. I also very much enjoyed the crazy science teacher in this book.

5. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame - I really enjoyed this story. Yes, it is weird and gory and kind of irreverent to Austen's original intent, perhaps, but it is fun. I can definitely understand how a book like this could make the bestseller list - many of my students have read this book, and they love the spin that Grahame puts on Austen's original work.

6. On the Threshold of Hope by Diane Langberg - It's difficult to find a good book on the topic of recovering from childhood abuse, especially a good book with a Christian perspective and enough details to be helpful without being overly graphic. This book fits the bill. It's not an easy read, but it is well worth it. If I had to pick one book from my list to recommend to every one to read, this would be the book.

7. How Harry Cast His Spell by John Granger - Yes, this is a book about Harry Potter. Not only have I read Rowling's novels, but I have also read just about everything written about the novels. I have heard both extremes - people who believe these books are a gift to reluctant readers everywhere and people who are ready to take a match the entire seven-book series. I appreciate Granger's literary perspective on the books, and my interest was piqued when I discovered that he was being criticized by both camps. This book focuses on the parts of the Harry Potter story that have made it so popular. I enjoyed thinking about the Harry Potter novels from the perspective of a literature professor.

8. Physics of the Impossible by Michio Kaku - This is a great book for science fiction fans. Kaku takes common science fiction elements - faster-than-light travel, phasers, light sabers, etc. - and applies the laws of physics to determine whether these things are possibilities in the next hundred years, the next thousand years, or never at all. An easily digestible science book for the non-scientist.

9. Airman by Eoin Colfer - I cannot give a blanket recommendation for all of Colfer's books, but I did very much enjoy Airman. This book is an interesting twist on the Count of Monte Cristo plot. It's another kid's book, but it's worth the time to read. I will be placing a copy on my classroom shelf in January.

10. Sparrow by Mary Russell - This book is an interesting twist on a science fiction story. I definitely recommend caution if you choose to read this book (if it were a DVD, I would tell you to keep your hand on the "next" button towards the end of the story). Russell not only made me think, but also sparked some interesting discussions with a friend of mine.

Christmas Break, Day 1

1. I slept in until 6:00.

2. I went running - in the daylight! - with some friends.

3. We also went to "the yellow place" (a coffee shop) for coffee and "devotions by the ocean."

4. I was attacked by my bulletin board paper. I spent maybe three hours cleaning and organizing my classroom, but I did this because I wanted to, not because I needed to.

5. I purchased and assembled a Lego camper.

6. I did laundry - wahoo!

7. I updated my blog - double wahoo!

It has been so nice to sleep as long as I need to, get caught up on cleaning and organizing, and spend time truly relaxing. Christmas is truly a well-timed holiday.

Legos

My nephew and I recently spent an evening together. While his parents and his sisters went to a play at school, Cameron and I stayed home and played. Through much trial and error, Cameron, his sisters, and I have discovered that there are some things Auntie Jenni is very good at playing and some things she doesn’t do so well at. It is always safe to ask Auntie Jenni to put together a puzzle or read a book. Sometimes running around the house screaming while playing “monster” works, too. Outside games don’t generally bring as much success. Barbies and horses produce only “epic fail,” as my students would say.

We have discovered only this year that there is one other thing Auntie Jenni is good at playing: Legos. Cameron and I were very happily engaged in Lego building when his sisters arrived home from the play that night, so much so that the girls joined in and I completely forgot to leave. How could I go home when there were airplanes, castles, and cars to build and adventures to be had?

This Lego episode, along with promises of future Lego play dates, made me wonder. I have played with Legos since I was a small child, and among the fragmented memories of my childhood, one fact remains clear: I received a Lego set at every birthday and Christmas for most of my elementary years, and even beyond that time, I still enjoyed playing with Legos. Where, then, is the appeal in a box of interlocking blocks? Why are Legos such an amazing toy?

Legos are very organized toys. Your box of Legos may no longer appear as such, but a brand-new box of Legos is the epitome of organization. The outside of the box tells you exactly how many pieces are inside. The picture on the box represents what you will be making. You do not purchase a castle set to make a race car. You do not purchase a fire truck set to make a space ship. What you see is what you get.

The directions are crystal clear. The first page of each booklet encourages the builder to sort the Lego blocks by color before beginning. Each page lists exactly which pieces are needed, in what order, and there is a picture for each step.

I have discovered that the directions, besides being amazingly clear, are also frighteningly accurate. There are no rude surprises. If I follow the directions in police car set, I create a police car, not a horse barn. The product I end up with looks exactly like the picture on the box, if I follow the directions.

Once the Lego set has been assembled, the sky’s the limit. Do you want your alien robber to invade the medieval castle? No problem. You need your fire truck to put out a fire in Robin Hood’s forest? Go for it. The alien and the fire fighters can very easily climb the castle stairs or swing in the trees with Robin Hood’s merry men. If Robin Hood’s fortress has tragically burned down, he can move in with the king and queen in the castle and you can use the pieces of that fortress to build a prison for the bad guys. The beauty of interlocking pieces is that they allow the builder to use the pieces however they are needed at that point. The space police can use the same handcuffs and prison for the goblins as they do for the aliens.

Legos represent a well-ordered universe with room for a lot of creativity. The finished products represent the personality of both the designer and the builder. In that way, Legos mirror the world God has given us to inhabit. The creation around us does reveal to us aspects of our Creator's personality. We reflect our Creator in our creative endeavors. When we build with Legos, we can create an entire world, not out of nothing, but out of the materials that have been given to us.

Like Nobody's Watching

I love people-watching. I especially love kid-watching, and I don't mean just babysitting. Actually, kid-watching works much better when I am not babysitting, because I can watch without the kids knowing I'm watching.

People-watching is fun, but kid-watching is so much more entertaining, and it wasn't until this year that I figured out why: kids are not self-conscious and are fairly uninhibited as they play. They love to sing, dance, dress up, perform, imagine, wonder, explore, and pretend. They don't mind making mistakes or looking silly. Kids don't worry about what others think; they are who they are without any explanations, excuses, or embarrassment.

I don't remember passing through this particular phase. Very early on I learned to watch those around me, my radar on alert for signs of anger or frustration or boredom. Very early on I began to carefully calculate my actions - speak at just the right times, laugh only when you know it's safe, creep through the house on cat feet so as not to disturb, not to disrupt, not to anger, not to draw attention. Invisibility was essential to survival.

Unfortunately, it is difficult to be invisible and silly at the same time. Invisible people do not sing, dance, dress up, perform, imagine, wonder, explore or pretend. Invisible people hide, curled up in tight balls on a couch cushion or bedroom corner. Invisible people always have somewhere else to be or something else to do. Invisible people are full of explanations, excuses, and embarrassment.

It is only in the past year that I realized I am still wearing my invisibility cloak, at least most of the time. My laughter, my comments, my smiles are carefully calculated actions, not spontaneous gestures of joy. Many of my survival skills, useful in my childhood, remain in my arsenal today, though the dangers are long gone. When I find myself in a situation where a little disinhibition could be a good and useful thing, I freeze up. My brain goes into lockdown. The only thing I can think of is finding a place to escape, and escape quickly.

I have experienced a few rare moments of uninhibited, unadulterated joy, times where I truly have been able to laugh uncontrollably or be silly just because. My adopted nieces and nephews have definitely been helpful in this endeavor. They have lots of practice in being silly. Knowing that right now I am safe and I am loved helps as well. Perhaps one of these days I'll finally feel comfortable in my own skin, and I'll be able to make mistakes and be silly like nobody's watching.

Label Makers

When I was a kid, I loved playing with a label maker my mom bought me. For a while, I labeled everything I could get my hands on. My books. My bed. My toys. I would have labeled the cat if I could have gotten her to sit still long enough. I loved punching out labels and attaching them to things.


Even today, I find I still like labels. The light switches in my classroom are labeled by number. The books on my bookshelf are labeled by color. My file folders are labeled. My binders, containing all of my class information, are labeled. On my computer I have to resist the urge to create folders and subfolders within subfolders.

Labels are convenient. They can give you information - where does something go, what is it used for, who owns it (or as my kids say "Whose own is it"). The labels on my classes tell me which class will have seventh graders, which class will have eighth graders, which class is the honors class, etc. etc.

Labels, though, can also be constricting. The students in my regular class are not necessarily less intelligent than those in my honors class. The books on my "fun books" shelf may not be considered fun by everyone in the classroom. The light switch labeled "4" does not actually activate any lights in my classroom.

It seems that I have more and more students coming to my class pre-labeled. Many of them seem to believe these labels to be permanent; moreover, the labels seem to be an excuse for all manner of misbehavior and other issues. "Miss, I'm dyslexic; I will always get Fs on the test." "Miss, I'm ADD. I will always get distracted in class." "Miss, my family is dysfunctional. I will always get angry at the other students and scream obscenities." After hearing these excuses and explanations time and again, I am not surprised that some parents hesitate to label their children. While I understand that labels can occasionally be helpful, it seems they are quickly tranforming into crutches.

One of the first things I learned about taking true/false tests was to beware of the words "always" and "never." Such absolutes generally indicated a false statement. I believe these labels my students bring to me also merit such caution. No child "always" behaves in a certain way. I can't say that a child in my class will "never" be able to earn a certain grade. Perish the thought that a child (or an adult, for that matter) would be limited by a label.

If I Could Only Tell My Students 16 Things

(provided, of course that they would remember the 16 things)

1. The Bible is true.
2. God loves you more than you can imagine.
3. Contrary to popular belief, you are NOT the center of the universe.
4. You're right: life is not fair. That's okay.
5. Hard work is rarely fatal.
6. Before you make a decision, be sure you can live with the consequences.
7. Treat others BETTER than you would have them treat you.
8. Clean up after yourself.
9. Keep trying.
10. Trust that the adults in your life know what they're doing when they tell you to do something.
11. It's not wrong to do something that you don't like or that isn't fun; some of those things are good for you.
12. Never settle for less than your best. Do not call sloppy work "finished" just because you are tired of working.
13. Take every available opportunity to learn something new.
14. Reading makes you smarter, improves your comprehension, spelling, writing ability, speaking, etc.; playing video games only makes you good at video games.
15. People might break promises, but God never does.
16. God is always, always in control. No matter how out-of-control the world at large or your private universe may seem, remember that God is not surprised and is not uncaring. He knows about it, He loves you, and He wants to help you. Trust Him.

Christmas Break: 24 Hours and Counting

It's almost Christmas break, and I can hardly wait to ....

1. Sleep. A lot.
2. Read a book a day.
3. Clean my classroom and have it STAY clean.
4. Spend several nights not grading.
5. Stare at the ocean.
6. Enjoy the sunshine.
7. See my friends at some place other than carline or a department meeting.
8. Spoil my nieces and my nephews.
9. Play Legos. (This is not necessarily connected to #8.)
10. Open all the, um, unique presents from my darling students.
11. Plan more work for the same darling students.
12. Maybe, just maybe, add a few more posts to my poor neglected blog.